STORMY NIGHT TALKS

Rain droplets begin their dance outside,

With every resounding blow of thunderclap.

Plants and trees sway in delightful rhythm,

While I sit, staring blankly on the wall,

Feeling neither sorrow nor joy inside.

Year after year, my heart has ripened,

With the sweet and bitter lullaby of life.

Through thick and thin, I've stayed undaunted,

Yet blood isn't always thicker than water,

My fortress now taunted by a forebear's shadow.

As I watch the movie of my own life,

My toils don't depict a seasoned veteran.

Rather, it's the beginning of a twilight race,

Where unturned stones scatter along my path,

And adversity whispers tales of strife.

No more do I hear the dance of rain droplets,

Nor the echo of thunderclaps in the air.

The night stands still in its silent embrace,

As I sit and gaze blankly on the wall,

Hoping in life's race, I'm never too late.

2008 DIARIES

I lead a very hectic life at work, where the moment I sit down, I’m swept into an endless tide of tasks that stretches late into the night. Yet, amidst the chaos, writing in my journal feels like music to my ears. It allows me to unload the emotional baggage I carry, lifting a weight from my shoulders. With each word, I feel lighter, more at ease, ready to embrace the rest of my day with renewed energy.

Usually, I write only when I'm feeling heavy and sad. I'd like to spill that emotion onto a page, helping me to express what I can't say out loud. 

And so, today, I wrote in my handy dandy notebook:

June 11, 2008, 8:15 a.m. 

photo taken in my place of work, June 11, 2008

    

Gone are the days, months, and years that have shaped my life. Yet one thing remains constant: I am never settled, never satisfied, never content. It feels as though I’ve spent my entire existence chasing rainbows, an endless pursuit of something that remains forever out of reach. I can see the vibrant colors shimmering in the distance, but I know I’ll never find myself at the foot of that rainbow. My yearning to touch it has blinded me to the truth: it’s an illusion, a mirage that can’t be grasped.

Now, with this newfound awareness, I realize it’s not too late to alter the path I’ve been trudging. I can choose to follow a road that is real and tangible, one where my efforts can yield true fulfillment. I have been reaching out toward an unknown destination, navigating through the fog, trying to discern what lies ahead. But in my quest, I often forgot, uncertainty only confuses my journey. Why do I persist in this direction when I have the freedom to choose a clear path? It’s time to make a decision.

I know my journey doesn’t end here. In the blink of an eye, I can envision a place with clear skies and a shimmering sun, a space where everything is illuminated. This is the path I need to follow, leading me to a destination I recognize and understand. No longer will I traverse rocky roads; I am ready to place my feet firmly on solid ground with each stride I take.

This is my moment of enlightenment, the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I am ready to embark on this journey with purpose and intention.

DIARY RECORDING BY DATES (CLICK TO ACCESS)

June 16, 2008                    July 1, 2008                  Oct 28, 2008           Nov 12, 2008

June 23, 2008,                   July 10, 2008                 Oct 29, 2008           Nov 13, 2008

June 24, 2008                   July 16, 2008                 Nov 3, 2008             Nov 17, 2008

June 25, 2008                    Oct 15, 2008                 Nov 5, 2008             Nov 20, 2008

June 26, 2008                    Oct 20, 2008                 Nov 6, 2008             Dec 3, 2008

June 27, 2008                    Oct 22, 2008                 Nov 7, 2008             Dec 12, 2008

June 30, 2008                    Oct 24, 2008                  Nov 11, 2008            Dec 18, 2008