Lunch Alone: A Lesson I Never Expected
When I was still a new employee at the bank, lunchtime was something I genuinely looked forward to. My co-officemates and I would walk together to the canteen, share a table, and exchange stories about work and life. Lunch was never just about eating, it was a moment of companionship in the middle of a busy day.
But there was one person I often noticed. He was one of the tellers assigned at the counters. Every lunch break, while the rest of us gathered in groups, he quietly sat at a table in the canteen alone.
One day he called me and asked if I could sit with him. Out of courtesy, I agreed. That brief moment became a conversation I would remember years later.
He told me that sometimes he felt jealous seeing me and my co-workers laughing together during lunch. According to him, being a front-liner was not fun at all. It was often a lonely life, especially during breaks. They always had to eat alone because they were not allowed to take lunch together, he told me.
He continued that although he could occasionally join some bank officers in the pantry, their conversations were usually different from his world. Their topics revolved around concerns he could hardly participate in. Sitting with them felt more like being physically present but socially distant.
At that time, I listened, but I never took his words too seriously. I simply could not fully understand his situation.
Life, however, has its own way of teaching lessons, sometimes years after the words were spoken.
Today, I find myself living almost the same situation he once described to me. For several years now, I have been taking my lunch mostly alone since I become a frontliner.
At first, it was not intentional. For some time, I continued to eat in the pantry because there was an elderly woman who sold food there. Her friendly and welcoming nature made the place feel warm and familiar. But when a series of bank robberies and holdups occurred, stricter security rules were implemented. Outsiders were no longer allowed inside the bank premises, and her little food stall in the pantry disappeared.
Eventually, I began taking my lunch outside the office.
At times, when I was able to bring food from home, I found myself in the pantry. It was there that the feeling my former colleague once described slowly became clearer to me. Conversations among certain groups, especially the officers, often revolved around agendas and topics that felt distant from my own concerns. You sit there physically, yet feel emotionally detached.
But there was another side to the story. My absence during lunch hours gradually became the subject of rumors. Some people added their own interpretations, coloring the story with negativity. Others joked sarcastically, attaching labels that were far from the truth.
Yet the truth is simple: no one truly wants to be alone. It's just that sometimes people choose solitude not because they prefer isolation, but because certain environments become uncomfortable or even toxic.
Invisible circles form in workplaces, groups that are difficult to enter once they have closed themselves off.
I have even witnessed situations where colleagues deliberately reserve chairs in any social gatherings, even during official functions, so they can sit together as a group. To see such things can be discouraging.
At first, eating alone felt awkward to me. Simply because I used to equate solitude with loneliness. But over the years, I discovered something different.
Being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely.
Here, we must distinguish between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is the painful feeling of being socially disconnected, while solitude simply means spending time alone without emotional distress. It is not a bad thing at all. In fact, studies show that periods of solitude can even reduce stress, improve emotional balance, and allow people to reflect more deeply on their lives.
Over time, my solitary lunches slowly transformed from something uncomfortable into something peaceful. Those quiet moments became small pauses for reflection in the middle of a busy day. They gave me time to observe, think, and sometimes simply enjoy the silence. I even had time to run quick errands for myself and my family if I wanted to.
And that may be the most valuable lesson I learned from years of eating lunch alone:
“The worst thing in life is not to end up alone, but to end up with people who make you feel alone.” - Robin Williams
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