Since childhood, I've been captivated by compelling stories, whether fiction or non-fiction. Even my own life feels like a narrative worth telling, prompting me to always keep a pen and a notebook close at hand.
Tonight, I stumbled upon a forgotten file tucked
away in an old CD. It contained a narrative from the past, penned figuratively
during a sleepless night. Clicking on that file reignited its unfolding story
which goes like this:
"On the 22nd of December 1998 midnight I wrote:
In the stillness of the night, I remain awake in
the solitude of my room in Cebu City. My mind wanders across the expanse of
waters and islands towards Manila, consumed by thoughts of my wife and baby
daughter whom I left behind. I am flooded with memories of them. I remember the wedding day and
that day our baby was born. I could still picture myself carrying my baby in my arms waiting for her turn
of vaccination in the clinic. All these memories are still very fresh. Yet, it
feels as though ages have passed since I last held them close. Worst yet, I wasn't
there on my baby's christening day.
It all started when my workplace was affected by
a restructuring scheme, thereby forcing the employees affected for a force
resignation. And so, in a round table discussion, I was presented with an offer
sheet outlining what I stood to gain in exchange for forfeiting my job, a
proposition that left me bewildered, particularly as a man newly entrusted with
a family. Naturally, I hesitated to sign the papers.
A few days later, almost as if plagued by
conscience, they presented me with a second option, though neither choice
appealed to me. Thus, I found myself able to keep my job, albeit under the
condition of working far from my family and home.
On the bright side, this situation allowed me to
return to my roots, back to the place I was born, my beloved hometown of Cebu.
Life is inherently unpredictable. We strive to
mold our destinies, yet we cannot evade the true course set by fate.
Apparently, it is akin to the will of God. We may chart our paths, but not
everyone will ultimately reach the chosen destination. The world evolves
continually, and so do we. As a wise philosopher remarked, "change is the
only constant."
The way I was raised since childhood serves as a constant reminder of this truth. It often felt like being tossed back and forth on a trapeze, where survival hinged solely on the strength of my grip.
Puberty marked a sudden halt in my world. I felt
completely lost in a maze, overshadowed by my older siblings. Reluctantly, I lingered
in a limbo of uncertainty. As everything seemed to crumble around me, my only
solace lay in trying my best to piece together the fragments.
I drifted through an aimless
existence. It was like sailing on an unknown vast ocean, following wherever the
currents led. Along the way, there was a constant struggle between good and
evil, virtue and vice. But in spite of it all, I never once felt justified
in complaining. Because deep down, I always knew there was goodness within me,
and that belief sustained me.
Whether facing the chilling cold of early
morning, the scorching heat of midday sun, navigating through rice fields at
dusk, or feeling the stinging sensation of raindrops on my back, none of it
mattered. I found immense joy in these experiences, especially in being so
intimately connected with nature.
There was the perpetual caress and fragrance of
refreshing winds. The gentle serenade of birds perched atop mangrove trees and
fluttering above rice fields was akin to sweet music. The sight of small sea
creatures crawling on the ground and swimming in shallow waters was truly
mesmerizing.
Occasionally, a vibrant rainbow would suddenly appear in the sky
after a rainfall, a marvel to behold. I would extend my hands and wade into the
waters, yearning to touch it. These are testaments of nature's splendor.
Nevertheless, it was the abundance of the ocean
that helped the family to sustain against adversity brought about by
destitution.
Sometimes, God allows us to face difficult
situations to teach us to appreciate goodness and to be grateful for the
blessings that follow. Such was the case when a sibling faced harm, causing
profound anxiety in our family. This event prompted us to make a permanent move
to our current residence, the mountainside.
Initially, the hilly countryside held little allure
for me because I longed for my childhood friends and the vibrant coastal life.
However, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
Since I found few peers who shared same social
standing, left me feeling partially isolated from my comfort zone. This feeling of solitude allowed me to reflect on my situation and realize that my future
rested solely in my own hands.
My two idle years slipped by. Armed with
determination, I broke through the barriers to my future and made a pivotal
decision to reclaim the time I had wasted. With each passing year, supported by
a family member, I steadily regained my footing.
And so, it came to pass.
Having been away in school so long, each day was a struggle, but happy to be back in the right place where I should be. And so, I wrote this poem to let that spirit show:
High school was a tempest for my restless soul,
To regain lost knowledge, had become my role.
Days slipped away like whispers in the night,
Piece by piece, I fought to reclaim my light.
With each step forward, I stood my ground,
A phoenix rising, in the competition I found.
Soon, I stood tall, with my spirit unconfined,
Atop the highest ranks, my purpose aligned.
Three years unfurled my dreams with grace,
My dedication shone, illuminating my place.
Best in Conduct, I wore that pride like a crown,
A moment I knew, that could turn my life around.
I was
honored for my conduct on a graduation ceremony, marking a newfound stability, a little ray of hope.
Yet, the path to my next milestone remained uncertain.
And so, it came to pass.
One day, I awoke to find myself in a place
unfamiliar, no longer my own room. When I committed to follow a higher calling,
it led me to a community of men and brothers, all seekers of truth like me.
Just by spending my first year within the confines of the seminary walls infused me with a
newfound spirit. I grew in confidence, and the self-esteem buried in my youth
began to emerge.
However, it wasn't until my final three years of the five and
a half total that the journey became challenging. The experiences felt underwhelming and at times
futile. I endured pain but without a promise of future gain. It was
time to move on and journey to the other side of life.
I bid farewell to my comrades in faith and returned to my
point of origin, my home.
And so, it came to pass.
In the secular world, I scuffled my way to find my place to survive. It was much of a competitive world, I soon realized it is. Although aware of the non-competitive nature of my background, I penetrated the workforce with only self-belief and determination as my weapon. What did I know about marketing, accounting, or banking? But I persisted and had sojourned into landing a job after another.
And so, it came to past.
My current job is the longest that I have in the past years, being here for more than three years, in the field of banking.
Believing to have found my niche, I tried to settle down and forget about the ecclesiastical and celibate calling that I had in the past.
Few months ago, I tied the knot with my girlfriend for three years.
And when it came to pass, three months ago, she gifted me with a baby, a gift, a blessing from above, giving us extraordinary joy, and her name is Maica Angela.
And tonight, I miss her so.
 |
| photo taken October 17, 1998, Caloocan City |
And that's my story.
And it came to pass.
It's time to put myself to sleep, my pen and notebook as well.
Good night to me and all!
Ulysses Ybiernas 12/22/98
No comments:
Post a Comment