I humbly admit that I am far from perfect, but in my deepest trials, I find my consolation in my heartfelt conversations with God. One moment that remains engraved in my heart is the evening of November 12, 2005.
During that time, I faced a crisis that seemed to defy all understanding. As I exhausted every earthly remedy, I clung tightly to my trust in the Most High, believing that He would guide me through the storm.
With trembling hands, I poured out my heart to Him in my handy dandy spiritual notebook:
"Lord, keeping You in my thoughts each day has the power to restore my shattered soul. You are the Prince of Peace and Compassion, please guide me through this trial. You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life, help me navigate my journey amid these pains. Though I may stumble into the snares of despair, Your boundless mercy surpasses all my sins. Your mercy knows bounds and your love, unconditional. May my monthly confessions lighten my burden and free my mind.
I am grappling with profound troubles, Lord, facing inexplicable ailments that weigh heavily on my spirit. I never imagined I would endure such afflictions. Alongside a friend who aspires to the priesthood, I implore Your Holy Spirit to bestow wisdom upon my doctor. Anxiety suggests a psychosomatic illness, leaving me to wonder: is it right to seek the help of a psychiatrist? Am I losing my grip on reality?
Every day feels like a battle against physical symptoms that mimic heart attacks or strokes - muscle tensions, numbness in my extremities, bloating, irritable bowel syndrome, severe nervousness, panic attacks, dizziness, migraines, insomnia, blurred vision, gastroesophageal reflux, and so on. Yet, despite numerous tests showing no clear issues, I am overwhelmed. Hopelessness threatens to engulf me, and in my despair, I cry out for Your mercy, humbly prostrate before You.
Why am I prescribed antidepressants meant for severe cases? In my own way, I strive for balance through regular exercise and healthy eating. Mornings are often spent playing basketball or jogging in our backyard, finding solace near Your church. Tending to my garden and caring for my aquarium uplift my spirit as I marvel at Your creations. I believe in Your compassion, which helps me manage my illness, though the aftershocks still linger.
Help me, Lord, to live fully and without hindrance, especially in my role as a parent. My greatest desire is to nurture my children's faith in Your infinite goodness, ensuring they carry Your wisdom into their futures. For me, the essence of life is to seek Your Kingdom, finding solace in Your embrace when my time comes."