2008 DIARIES

I lead a very hectic life at work, where the moment I sit down, I’m swept into an endless tide of tasks that stretches late into the night. Yet, amidst the chaos, writing in my journal feels like music to my ears. It allows me to unload the emotional baggage I carry, lifting a weight from my shoulders. With each word, I feel lighter, more at ease, ready to embrace the rest of my day with renewed energy.

Usually, I write only when I'm feeling heavy and sad. I'd like to spill that emotion onto a page, helping me to express what I can't say out loud. 

And so, today, I wrote in my handy dandy notebook:

June 11, 2008, 8:15 a.m. 

photo taken in my place of work, June 11, 2008

    

Gone are the days, months, and years that have shaped my life. Yet one thing remains constant: I am never settled, never satisfied, never content. It feels as though I’ve spent my entire existence chasing rainbows, an endless pursuit of something that remains forever out of reach. I can see the vibrant colors shimmering in the distance, but I know I’ll never find myself at the foot of that rainbow. My yearning to touch it has blinded me to the truth: it’s an illusion, a mirage that can’t be grasped.

Now, with this newfound awareness, I realize it’s not too late to alter the path I’ve been trudging. I can choose to follow a road that is real and tangible, one where my efforts can yield true fulfillment. I have been reaching out toward an unknown destination, navigating through the fog, trying to discern what lies ahead. But in my quest, I often forgot, uncertainty only confuses my journey. Why do I persist in this direction when I have the freedom to choose a clear path? It’s time to make a decision.

I know my journey doesn’t end here. In the blink of an eye, I can envision a place with clear skies and a shimmering sun, a space where everything is illuminated. This is the path I need to follow, leading me to a destination I recognize and understand. No longer will I traverse rocky roads; I am ready to place my feet firmly on solid ground with each stride I take.

This is my moment of enlightenment, the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I am ready to embark on this journey with purpose and intention.

DIARY RECORDING BY DATES (CLICK TO ACCESS)

June 16, 2008                    July 1, 2008                  Oct 28, 2008           Nov 12, 2008

June 23, 2008,                   July 10, 2008                 Oct 29, 2008           Nov 13, 2008

June 24, 2008                   July 16, 2008                 Nov 3, 2008             Nov 17, 2008

June 25, 2008                    Oct 15, 2008                 Nov 5, 2008             Nov 20, 2008

June 26, 2008                    Oct 20, 2008                 Nov 6, 2008             Dec 3, 2008

June 27, 2008                    Oct 22, 2008                 Nov 7, 2008             Dec 12, 2008

June 30, 2008                    Oct 24, 2008                  Nov 11, 2008            Dec 18, 2008

A JOURNEY TO ENLIGHTENMENT

My biorhythm naturally nudges me toward early mornings. I often find myself in a relaxed state, yet suddenly thrust into the chaotic buzz of preparing for work. Each morning feels like a frantic dash, a whirlwind of tasks that leaves me emotionally and physically drained. I recognize that this pattern is self-imposed, yet I continue to let it dictate my daily life.

This realization prompts a radical need for change, a transformation of my inner self and a commitment to mental discipline. I find myself asking the fundamental question: “Why do I behave this way?", "Why am I so uninspired and unmotivated to start my day right?" If I’m experiencing the effects of my choices, I must also consider their causes as well.

Perhaps the first question to tackle is, “Who’s to blame?” After nearly a decade of repeating the same behavioral cycle, I know the answer: it’s me. “Mea culpa.” Acknowledging my role in this pattern is both humbling and empowering.

But how do I break free? I know I need to change, yet I often feel uninspired and sluggish, trapped in a cycle of inertia. What I crave is a purging of willpower and a source of inspiration.

First, I must train myself to align my will with what is right. How can I boost my self-esteem and motivation?

They say we can err not only in the eyes of men but also in the eyes of God due to the freedom of choice. Yet, if our will is truly free, we have the potential to make better decisions because our conscience guides us toward right and wrong. Therefore, we should strive to choose goodness over evil.

This perspective makes sense. To find clarity, I must seek enlightenment, especially from a higher power. I need to free my mind from the worries that entangle me in this complex world. Often, we complicate the simple; one key to a more manageable life is living in the present moment. Anxiety about the future and regrets about the past create unnecessary burdens. The present is all we truly have.

If I focus on doing what is right now, I don’t need to obsess over what lies ahead or dwell on past mistakes. No matter how much I plan or worry, the future remains unpredictable.

From this moment forward, my commitment will be to the NOW. I’ll strive to make each present moment as fulfilling as possible, freeing myself from past regrets and future anxieties. This shift will pave the way for a more peaceful existence, as doing what’s right now will naturally shape a better future. This is the essence of being enlightened.

As for inspiration, it comes from recognizing each small success along my journey and cherishing the love and support of those around me.

So, from this day onward, I will count my steps toward enlightenment, rating from one to ten, and see how far this journey takes me.

HUMAN LOVE VERSUS DIVINE LOVE

Is romantic love a perfect expression of affection or merely an addiction? This question intrigues many, as countless individuals find themselves captivated by its allure at some point in their lives. We often idealize romantic love, drawing inspiration from iconic couples like Romeo and Juliet, whose passionate connection resonates through time. Yet, reality frequently diverges from this ideal, particularly in cases of clandestine affairs or relationships that challenge societal norms.

The essence of romance is profoundly sweet, infusing our lives with meaning, joy, and a sense of completeness. To be desired and valued by someone brings unparalleled emotional fulfillment. In the throes of romance, the outside world fades away, leaving only the intimate bond between lovers.

However, the fragility of such relationships becomes evident in their high failure rates, illustrated by broken marriages and painful separations. The notion of true, perfect love often feels elusive. Perhaps perfection in relationships is fleeting by nature. Initial bliss can quickly give way to conflicts and complexities, transforming what once seemed flawless into a nuanced cycle of affection and discord.

An imbalance in love, where one party may love more than the other, frequently leads to resentment and turmoil. Such one-sided affection breeds jealousy, possessiveness, and emotional demands, slowly eroding the relationship. The aftermath of failed romances is often marked by profound pain, yet the allure of reconciliation remains, a testament to the deep emotional bonds we forge.

This raises the question, why do we persist in these tumultuous cycles? The answer lies in our human nature, a complex interplay of physical and emotional needs. Physically, we are driven by senses that shape our interactions. Emotionally, our souls crave acceptance and security. The fear of loss and rejection intensifies these attachments, resembling an addiction that grows stronger in the absence of reciprocation.

Yet, amid the imperfections of human love, there exists a call to seek a higher form of perfection. For many, this quest leads to faith and hope in a divine love that transcends human frailty. The love of God, as described in sacred texts, embodies patience, kindness, and enduring strength, a stark contrast to the volatility of human emotions.

In conclusion, while human love may falter, faith in divine love offers solace and a pathway to lasting fulfillment. As we navigate the complexities of romantic entanglements and emotional dependencies, anchoring our relationships in a love that transcends our imperfections can provide the stability and grace we seek.