EXPERIENCES - Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child
Balancing Discipline
By: Ulyses C. Ybiernas | August 30, 2007 3:58 PM
Many of our ancestors grew up under strict discipline, a tradition passed down through generations. My own childhood was no exception. I vividly recall the reddish marks on my arms and legs from my father’s worn-out belt and the stinging sensation of my mother’s wooden strip. These memories evoke a mix of fear and indignation, as I tried to escape or defend myself from the punishment. Yet, my father often justified these actions, claiming it was gentler than the horsewhipping his generation endured as children.
Times have undeniably changed. What was once considered effective discipline is now classified as child abuse in many parts of the world. This shift is largely attributed to the influence of Western psychoanalysts, who introduced new approaches to child development and behavior. These principles have shaped laws and societal norms, fostering a more child-friendly environment.
Yet, questions remain: Has this modern approach truly molded better individuals? While kindness may nurture kindness, there are concerns about children becoming self-willed or spoiled without firm boundaries. Can we instill proper conduct without resorting to extreme measures? Many of us reflect on the disciplined, honest generations of the past and wonder if we’ve lost something valuable in this transformation.
Last night, I faced the harsh reality of my own actions as a parent. I struck my 8-year-old daughter with a belt in a moment of anger. She had mocked me with dismissive gestures, laughing off the initial smack as if it didn’t matter. Frustrated, I lashed out harder, leaving marks on her arms, legs, and even her face. My anger consumed me, and I shouted, demanding respect. Her cries echoed through the house, contrasting with her usual defiant streak.
In the aftermath, I felt devastated. How could I harm my own child so harshly? Memories of her forgiving nature haunted me. Despite past punishments, she had always shown resilience, and recently, her behavior had improved significantly. That night, I lay in bed, trembling with regret and consumed by remorse.
The following morning, I couldn’t shake the guilt. I remembered her daily routine of kissing my cheek before school, her consistent display of affection amplifying my regret. I asked my wife to bring our daughters to my bedside. With a heavy heart, I apologized to my eldest daughter and asked for a kiss. At first, she hesitated, expressing her reluctance, but eventually, she softened. Her forgiving nature shone through, and she leaned in for an embrace.
I explained my actions, emphasizing the importance of respecting boundaries and managing emotions. Her understanding and warm smile reassured me. Both daughters hugged me tightly, and we exchanged kisses and kind words, reconnecting as a family.
This experience taught me invaluable lessons about parenting and discipline. I realized I had been disciplining my daughter as though she were an adult, forgetting that she is still a child. Moving forward, I understand the need to balance discipline with compassion. When harsh measures are necessary, they should be accompanied by explanations and heartfelt apologies to help the child understand the intent behind them.
Discipline is a delicate balance. Harsh methods can foster obedience but may also lead to dependency and low self-esteem. On the other hand, leniency can nurture independence and confidence but may result in disobedience. The challenge lies in moderating both approaches to cultivate the values we want to see in our children.
Parenting is a journey of learning and growth. While I cannot undo the mistakes of the past, I can strive to do better in the future. My goal is to raise my children with love, understanding, and balanced discipline, fostering their emotional and moral development without compromising their trust in me. By exercising moderation and compassion, I hope to create an environment where my children feel secure, respected, and cherished.
Discipline is doing what needs to be done, even if you don't want to do it.
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